SHARKICANE! Because Sharknados are so 2013.
A long time ago on an island not so far away, Jeff, the God of Biscuits, really wanted to open a bakery in Fandom but he was short on the cash he needed. Naturally, he went to another, less minor, god for a loan to cover the difference.
...he chose Eshu, the Nigerian mischief god. Jeff: great at baked goods, not so great on noticing when choices will come around to bite him later. Eshu decided to
lose the loan in a card game
transfer the debt to a group of actual loan sharks
because it'll be hilarious. He's sitting off on the sidelines with popcorn, and Fandom will get to deal with SHARKICANE: THE MORE METEOROLOGICALLY PLAUSIBLE DISASTER FOR THE EAST COAST.
Rolls right off the tongue, huh?So how will this work?
At the beginning of the week and entirely unrelated (probably. Jeff owes some weather gods money too), a hurricane will begin to develop in the Atlantic.
On Thursday, August 3,
the loan sharks will pay a visit to Jeff, and make him an offer he can't refuse: pay the interest of his loan or get eaten on Saturday. They gave him a couple days, y'know? They didn't have to do that. It's also announced that the hurricane will make landfall on Saturday, so everyone is encouraged to buy flashlights and candles, non-perishable food, and toilet paper because it's not a disaster if you haven't bought toilet paper.
On Friday, August 4,
the loan sharks' enforcer sharks begin circling the island, catcalling Jeff and making generally terrible fish puns. Winds start kicking up on the island and it begins to rain. The waves on the shore get more menacing.
On Saturday, August 5
, against most known rules of non-Sharknado physics, the hurricane scoops up the sharks and begins dropping them--and a ton of rain and wind--onto the island. Yes, they can crash through your house! Yes, they can swim in the lake! Yes, you can kill them with chainsaws!
...and yes, they knock out the power for all of your cuddling-in-the-dark-and-missing-air-
On Sunday, August 6
, a group of heroic Fandomites will test an Extremely Good Theory of Hurricane Dissipation
. Namely, dropping a huge ice cube (or a few dozen frozen sharks…) into the eye of the hurricane. Is this a terrible idea? Very likely! Has this ever stopped anyone on this island? NOPE. While our heroes/heroines are doing this, the winds are still blowing, the rain is still coming down, and the sharks are still eating NPCs you don't like and wreaking havoc on the teal deer and alot populations.What do we need from you?
--We need nerdy volunteers to discover the theory that giant ice cubes can destroy hurricanes, and volunteers to fly into a shark-ladened hurricane and chuck frozen sharks into it. We also need people who can figure out how to freeze sharks.
--We need business owners/homeowners to volunteer their places up for storm/shark damage.
--We need at least one person to kill a shark with a chainsaw
So! Questions, comments, amazing fish puns?