anarchist_queen | Room 515, Monday After Classes

When Jack had mentioned a while ago the possibility of getting Leda's magic back, she'd thought he was just being nice. It hadn't occurred to her that he might be able to pull it off. But he'd called earlier and suggested having Karla go spelunking in her brain meats. The idea scared Leda, but, it might work. And she'd decided it was worth the risk.

	Leda paced her room nervously. She'd cleaned carefully, but still, she didn't know what to expect, what to prepare for. God she wanted some Peca. But that of course, would be counter productive.
	Jack knocked on the door, reviewing The Plan. This better work.
	"Enter freely and of your own will." Leda hoped jokes would help with the nerves.
	He entered, leaving the door open after him. "I'm entering, but I don't think I know anyone named Will, and I'm not sure if anyone should pay him or not," he said, joking back. Maybe that'll help.
	Karla followed immediately at his heels--and yes, sometimes literally on his heels. It wasn't her fault he was slow. "I vote no," Karla said. "Will always struck me as kind of a slacker."
	"And we're not here for Will." He was resisting a glare at Karla and her personal space issues and trampling on his feet. Really.
	"Witness exhibit A: Will not showing up." Leda smirked. She knew she wasn't fooling Karla, but hopefully the nervousness would be attributed to just general anxiety of having someone in her head, rather than having something to hide.
	"He's so unreliable," Karla teased. "I never trusted him anyway." She did notice Leda's nervousness, and pitched her voice low and soothing. "But that's okay. I think we'll be able to take care of this with just the three of us."
	"He's always getting fired, too. Poor Will." He nodded at Karla. "Three works."
	"Well if he'd stop trying to bond with his bosses by hitting on them." Leda took a deep breath. "Okay, so, what do I need to do?"
	"Well, step number one is to relax," Karla said frankly, trying not to frown. She'd expected excitement, and relief, maybe even a bit of worry, but this half-guilty nervousness was a surprise. "Why don't you sit down on the bed. Jack? Brush her hair."
	"Uh, okay." He looked around and grabbed the nearest hairbrush. Not. Awkward. At. All. He was giving this the calculated eyeball to see the best way to start this. Yeah. He sat behind her, giving her noggin a few tentative swipes with the brush.
	Leda sat down in front of Jack, and took a deep breath. Right, relax. She could do that. "Ow! Tangle!" she cried out, then immediately grinned. "Kidding, sorry."
	"It's relaxing," Karla explained, noting Jack's lack of enthusiasm over the hairbrushing thing. "Just trust me on this." Black Widow here, knows what she's talking about. She also laid a few warming spells on the bed, making them both warm and toasty. Then she called in her laptop and started playing some of the more soothing music she had stored. "I'd use your squeezy music ball," she said, giving Leda a half-smile, "but I really wouldn't consider most of that music soothing. Now, I just want you to concentrate on breathing deeply. If you learned any meditation exercises, especially when you were learning magic, use them now."
	"I haven't even--not funny," Jack muttered. He'd give her tangles. Right. Not what they're here for. He took his own deep breath and started again, slow long pulls with the brush, waiting for Karla to do her thing.
	The brushing, the warm bed and the music were all helping. That and two of her favorite people being here to help her. Her nervousness wasn't gone completely, but it was rapidly fading into the background. "Enya and Loreena McKennit are good for relaxing." she said, allowing her eyes to close. "Also dancing."
	Karla waited a few more minutes, then walked over to Leda and placed gentle fingers on her temples. It was an unnecessary gesture, but from what she'd learned from diving through Leda's memories before was that the elf-girl had lived a very strict and emotionally austere life as a child. Touch and sensation helped her relax, gave her something to cling to. "Now I want you to open your defenses to me," she murmured quietly. "Thing of it as unlocking a heavy lock, or lowering a gate, or whatever you want. But clear the way so I can come in, okay?"
	Jack kept the hair brushing to a minimum, trying not to interrupt or intrude. It was kinda awkward. And like a hippie thing. But it was for his Little Sibling, so he was going through with it.
	S'matter Jack, you don't like hippies? The door to Leda's mind resembled the door to an old tenement building in a large city. There were signs that it once was really fancy, but now the paint was peeling, one of the windows in it was boarded up. When Leda pictured it, she could almost hear the clunk of a heavy lock, as the door opened. Inside though, her mind scape somewhat resembled a mix of a run down office building, and the Fandom dorms. Hallways and doors, and the occasional window. The strange thing though, was that many of the doors were bricked over, or in the process of being so. Though the door frames were still clearly visible. One or two of the windows as well.
	Karla closed her eyes and slipped her consciousness behind Leda's inner barriers. At first, she simply wandered around, getting a feel for things, learning how Leda's mind worked and how everything was interconnected. The last thing she wanted to do was accidentally harm the girl while trying to help. It was the bricked-over doors that intrigued her the most. Most of the bricking-over was clearly old. She tapped on the first few she passed, the ones that were heaviest with age, but disturbed them no further. They'd have to come down some time, but not now. And until she got a better idea of what was behind them, Karla wasn't going to interfere. Leda might not yet be ready to face whatever was behind those doors. But these new, half-finished brickings...those were another story.
	Jack wasn't exactly sure what to do. He was in a room, alone, with two girls, neither of which were his girlfriend. One was somewhat related. There was some touching, and healing. ~~Playboy totally lied about what went on in coed dorms.~~ He waited, as patiently as he could, for whatever to happen...to happen.
	Leda was not consciously aware of the blocked out sections of her mind and memory, but she did know that there were many parts of her life that she could not remember. Therefore she didn't perceive the bricked up doors quite the same way. Her "eyes" just sort of passed over them as if they weren't there. There was however, somewhere in the complex of hallways, a small alcove that was bricked over in a different way than the doors themselves.
	Karla noted Leda's reaction and filed it away. Really, that was something the elf was going to need to work on, at least, if she ever wanted access to those memories again. But, again, that was for another time. "Leda," she asked, keeping her voice gentle. "Does this--" she nodded towards the alcove, "--feel like anything specific to you?" That was her best guess for where Leda's magic was being hidden, but she wanted confirmation if she could get it.
	Leda frowned, reaching out to graze her fingers along the bricks. "I didn't do this." It was somewhat introspective of her, and suggested that on some level she was aware that she was doing something to herself.
	"Not this one," Karla agreed, keeping her voice neutral. She may not be battering any of the bricked over places down, but that didn't mean she was going to ignore them completely. "But if that's not the case..." she slanted a grin Leda's way. "What do you say we break this down?"
	Leda narrowed her eyes at the obstruction. Even if she'd been able to find this, she knew there was no way she'd ever have been able to get past it on her own. But maybe with Karla's help... "That sounds really good to me. Uh, any ideas how?"
	"I can start it, but you're going to have to finish it," Karla said. "I want you to close your eyes and imagine a hammer. A really, really big sledge-hammer. This is your mind, if you imagine it, it should appear. And then, when I give you the signal, I want you to smash this wall to pieces." There'd be more work to it than that, but Karla figured a simpler answer was better.
	"Oh. Okay." Leda had thought there might be more to it than that. She closed her eyes and concentrated. And lo, did a sledgehammer appear. She hefted it in her hands, and possibly looked a little silly, small, scrawny her holding this big ass hammer.
	Karla sat down on the floor in front of the wall, reaching out to brush her fingertips against the roughness of the brick, feeling everything that made up the wall, that kept Leda from accessing her powers. A small shift with her powers and the wall appeared to Karla in a way she'd understand, rather than the way Leda envisioned it. Instead of a brick wall, it appeared as a thick web, strands swollen and sickly-looking. In Karla's own hand appeared a large knife, looking sharp enough to cut the wind. She sliced the palm of her hand and as the blood welled, she placed her hand directly on the web. The cut appeared in the real world as well, blood running down her wrist. Karla didn't move or even seem to notice.
	Leda watched as Karla smeared blood on the brickwork (her own perception not having changed). Now it looked like a creepy bricked over alcove.
	Jack grabbed a nearby towel and started wrapping it around Karla's hand, muttering to himself and, frankly, starting to freak out. Cuts just didn't appear out of nowhere like that. They were still not moving, Leda and Karla.
	Blood is the memory's river. The power in Karla's own blood called up an answering surge from behind the wall. Karla began cutting at the web, sawing away as the sticky strands fought her off. But she wasn't about to let that stop her--the web had to be cut through before Leda could shatter the wall.
	Behind her, Leda winced. The web and wall didn't belong here, but it was, and even if it wasn't precisely part of her, it was in her head, in her mind. And damage to it, while not causing any actual damage to her, hurt. She gritted her teeth against the pain, assuming this was part of the process. Some of the locked doors in the hallway came unlocked though, as her attentions shifted to deal with it.
	It took time and effort to saw through everything, enough of both that Karla's jaw hurt from clenching them so hard together and her arms ached from exertion. The strands resisted being cut, like leathery vines. Finally, though, the last strand was cut and the web was tattered. "Now, Leda!" she commanded, staggering back to let give the elf room. Into one of the freshly unlatched doors. The first swing of the hammer drowned out her muffled 'Ack!' as the door swung open and she fell inside.
	Leda swung the hammer with all her might. The minute the hammer struck the bricked over alcove, several of them showered down and vanished, but Leda reeled as if she had been struck in the head herself. She never noticed Karla's tumble. "I can't believe it's come to this." Leda muttered. Crystaviel gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I wish there was another way." she said. Leda had drunk her way through as much of Crystaviel's Peca supply as she could stomach. And it had no effect on the worsening withdrawal symptoms. She'd have taken the pills if she'd kept them. Somberly, Crystaviel had suggested an alternative. There was a more potent form of the drug that might help her. But it was risky. Both the procuring and the taking. By the time they reached the scary looking run down house in the really bad section of Soho, Leda was trembling, her head pounding. Crystaviel helped her into the house. The man who called himself The Doctor shook his head. "I see this all the time." he said. "Don't worry little elf, we'll soon have you feeling better than new." He took a roll of bandages, a knife, and two salves from a drawer, and set them on the table. "This is gonna hurt, but only for a moment. And then..." he smiled. "Oh then..." Crystaviel paid him. "Consider this part of my Christmas present to you." she whispered to Leda. By now she was shivering so badly that Crystaviel had to hold her still for the Doctor to do his work. He made a short, shallow cut on Leda's wrist, and spread a white paste over it, then a golden salve that would help accelerate healing before putting on the bandages. "That wasn't so bad." Leda muttered, though she didn't feel any different. And then she was flying. Nearby, one of the half bricked over doors crashed open, destroying the barricade.
	Karla actually watched the memory twice, feeling many things as this 'doctor' sliced through Leda's skin and rubbed in the Peca: frustration, hurt, horror...but no real surprise. In the end, it kind of solidified into a sickly, steely resolve. She stood and swept from the room, ignoring Leda and the barricade in order to open another door, any of the doors that had unlocked themselves as she'd fought against the web.
	The scattering of bricks around the open door showed that it was a memory Leda was working on repressing. Inside was a rather posh coffee house. "So, y'all slummin' too? These poor soho elves sure are funny eh?" Leda glanced up. She had taken pains not to notice the pack of Rats when they'd come in. She was determined to enjoy her time rather than dwell on unpleasant things. So when one of them sauntered up to their table to talk to them, it took her by surprise. She went back to her wine. Maybe he'd get bored and go away. "It must be difficult," Stormy Waves said, grinning, "To acquire wisdom in a human's short lifespan." "From the evidence," Crystaviel argued, turning her own grin on Leda, "It must be impossible." Leda smiled absently and sipped her wine. She liked humans. They knew that. They were teasing her as much as making sport of the grungy human. She wouldn't participate or rise to the bait. They surely couldn't fault her for that right? "Snatch any babies lately?" the Rat asked suddenly. That voice. It couldn't be. Could it? Crystaviel and Stormy Waves gave each other a look that the others missed. Leda would have found it very interesting if she hadn't been trying with all her might to pretend none of this was happening. Mmm, good wine. "If you think there are changelings in your family," Stormy Waves snarked, "The answer more likely lies with your mother's morals than Faery's intervention." Okay that had been pretty clever. The idea of changelings had always kind of pissed Leda off. The bullshit that humans had come up with about them astounded her sometimes. "I'm not talking about changelings." the Rat formerly known as Just Ron said. "I'm talking about grabbing little kids-" Stormy Waves interrupted him. "What did this human's mother lie with? An ape would account for his looks; an ass, his manner." "Hey screw you Fairy." Just Ron snapped. The Rats applauded, Stormy Waves pushed back his chair. But Leda touched his arm. She didn't want trouble. Even if Just Ron, or whatever his name was these days was starting to piss her off too. No elf liked that word. "Why bruise your beautiful hand?" she asked him. She smiled at the guy she'd once known as Mooner's sidekick. "Doesn't his bark reveal his nature?" "Yeah, yap, yap, yap you Elflands bitch." Fine. She was angry with her parents. She was scared of going to Faery, scared of losing her magic. She was with her friends and feeling pressured to not let a human get the upper hand on her. Ron may have been responsible for the destruction of Castle Pup (though it wasn't likely). And the shakes were starting. She needed some Peca. And so an insult that might otherwise have been beneath her to react to, wound up being the straw that broke her back. And besides she'd been trying to help him just then. "Well if you're interested in bitches..." She spoke the incantation, confusing the humans, but making her friends snigger with approval. The moment she finished she felt dirty. But it was done. Crystaviel gave Stormy Waves another significant look. "Yeah f-" her former friend started, but broke off when the transformation began to take effect. His throat seized, his muscles protested. Fur began to sprout from his face and his hands began to enlongate. Howling in pain and fear, he ran from the club. "Well done." Crystaviel beamed. "What breed did you turn him into?" Stormy Waves asked, taking her hand. Leda had no idea. She'd just said Dog.
	Oh, when they were done here... Karla stepped into the hall, slamming the door behind her. And waited, arms crossed and toes tapping.
	There had better be a big long talk, what with the bleeding and the twitching and the Big Sibling slash Friend who's wigging out a bit over what the hell's going on. He kept checking Karla for more bleeding, but things looked good so far.
	Karla didn't say anything to Leda, couldn't say anything. Using her powers against a landen like that--? The powers that she had just helped Leda reclaim? If she'd known then...But, as much as she was tempted, she couldn't just go take the hammer away. It would damage Leda more to leave it half-done. Oh, but there would be a talk. Oh yes. With deliberate steps and Queenly dignity, Karla went to another door and opened it. Let's see what this one brought.
	When running away, there are three things you have to keep in mind. Don't tell people you're going to do it. Always know where you're going. And most importantly, know where not to go. The bottle struck the wall just next to Leda's head. She had only just dodged it, but shards of glass bit into the skin of her face and palms as she attempted to ward them off. “You done took a wrong turn Elf Girl!” The pack member in the lead of the small mob shouted. She wasn't quite buying his righteous anger though. He was sounding too much like he was enjoying this. “Don't pretend this is a racial thing!” she shouted back. She was sort of stalling. Her eyes darted back and forth, hoping for some kind of escape. “Just admit that you're a psychopath who enjoys hurting people! You'll feel a lot better, Vedder!” The pack members didn't like that. Another bottle hurtled down the alley towards her. This time she got a shield up in time, and it worked perfectly. That gave them pause. Enough pause that she felt she could make a dash for the fire escape, halfway down the alley. She didn't quite make it. A door in the side of the building opened, and a dark skinned halfie girl reached out and yanked her inside. When she tried to close the door, one of the Packers grabbed it. Immediately another halfie girl, this one with vaguely Asian features darted out and knocked him out and away from the door with a vicious jab to the nose. The door was slammed shut, concealing her rescuers in darkness. Leda attempted an ambient light spell, which wound up bathing the hallway in black light. Not quite what she had in mind. “Thanks.” she started, but the Asian girl cut her off. “Save it. Just didn't want the Silver Suits coming into Soho on account of some Dragon's Tooth Bitch getting herself killed.” “Fell from your tower princess?” the other girl asked, leaning the wall. She was eying Leda with a completely deadpan expression. “Jumped actually.” Leda retorted, brushing herself down. It was her version of a cat cleaning itself to calm down. The Asian girl snorted. “Great, another runaway, still with the dust of Faery behind her ears.” “I've never been to Faery in my life thank you very much.” Leda huffed. “I'm a B-Town girl, born and bred. Just, my first time in Soho. The first girl was still studying her, and finally she gave Leda a haughty grin that made her blood shiver delightfully. “I'm Wiseguy. This is Sai. What do they call you?” She thought back to what she had told people her name was when they had first found her. Flor'Da. Which eventually had been shortened to “Leda. Call me Leda.” “Never felt like you belonged at home did you?” Wiseguy asked. “Let me guess, your, parents never understood you?” “They're elf-bigots.” Leda said plainly. “I'm not.” Wiseguy nodded. “Most Elves, they look at humans and halfies like they're something beneath them. You don't.” “That's creepy. What you're doing there Chere.” “Yeah well your rhyming thing is getting old already.” Leda turned to Sai. “What's your thing? Creepy psycho-evaluations? Rhyming?” “Nah. I hate Elves.” She tilted her head. “But you'll do.” This door had not been locked or blocked over. Leda watched her go in, her brow furrowed in worry and confusion. Then she turned back to the wall. She was almost there. So close to reclaiming what her parents had tried to take from her.
	Enough of this. Karla stepped back out and waited for Leda to finish. Royally pissed off or not (and she was!), that still didn't give her the right to poke and prod around in Leda's mind. So instead, she exited the door, folding her arms and tapping her foot, waiting for Leda to finish this. And then they would Talk.
	Leda finally finished knocking down the last of the wall, revealing a fuse box. She was exhausted, and her head felt like it was going to explode, but a triumphant smile lit her face regardless. Opening the box, she flipped the breakers back to on. This was a curious metaphor considering they didn't really have circuit breakers in Bordertown. It was a relatively new concept for her that her mind had apparently seized upon. The only thing marring this whole thing was her newly cleared memory of the last thing she'd done with her magic. The details of that incident had been getting steadily and mercifully hazy. "Okay." she panted, setting aside the hammer. "Now what?" And why was Karla looking so irritated?
	"For now, we leave," Karla said, voice cold. "Jack is likely concerned. And there are a few things I want to say that he should hear."
	Well Leda had figured the leaving part. It was precisely how. "So, I just, uh, open my eyes?" Could it be that simple? She kind of felt like her eyes were open. That'd be a funny joke, get her magic back just to get stuck in her brain.
	Karla was really, really tempted to say that Leda needed a physical shock to wake her up, but she wasn't about to dishonor her Black Widow Craft in a moment of pique. "Let this imagery dissolve around you," she instructed. "Then concentrate on things from the real world: Jack's voice and mine, the feel of the brush through your hair, the texture of the blanket you're sitting on and the feel of the mattress beneath you. Then you'll wake up." And, if she needed help, Karla really would provide that slap to get Leda's eyes open. "I'll be waiting when you wake," she said. It sounded more like a threat than a reassurance.
	And for a moment, Leda was tempted to stay here for awhile. She still hadn't noticed that any of her doors had come unlocked, or the bricked up, or partially bricked up doors. So naturally the bricks that had come down escaped her. The first thing she noticed was the brush going through her hair. Then the bed, and finally, she woke up.
	"Leda? Leda, you there?" She was starting to move; Jack took this as a good sign. "Hey. Welcome back to Fandom, Little Sibling. Things went well?" He was glancing between his elfen not-sister and the witchy one.
	Karla opened her eyes, glaring. But, for once, not at Jack. "She's got a lot of explaining to do," she said coldly. "Jack." Okay, now that angry glare was directed his way. "Do you know if Leda's still on Peca?" That image of the so-called 'doctor' slicing Leda's arm open and rubbing in the paste was still heavy on Karla's mind.
	Leda's first impulse was to create imaginary butterflies from her hand. They appeared and fluttered briefly before what Karla said fully penetrated. Shit.
	Oh, right. That look. He was familiar with That Look. "I'm...not sure? What is it?"
	"Never mind," Karla said, dismissing the question with a wave. "Leda's back. I can ask her directly." The room was getting colder. "Leda." Karla's ice-blue eyes were fixed on the elven girl. "I'm giving you the chance to start explaining what I saw in your mind. Start talking."
	It would be useless to lie. With her magic returned, Leda could have shielded her thoughts and even emotions from Karla. But she knew it was too late. The instant wave of shame and guilt at the first mention of Peca could not be taken back. She had no idea how Karla had found out. She could only guess that her attempts to keep those parts of her mind locked had failed. "You wouldn't understand."
	"Understand what?" Jack asked, looking from one to the other.
	"Perhaps not," Karla said tightly. "Do it anyway."
	"Explain what? You saw didn't you? You want me to make excuses? I tried to quit, I failed. Seems pretty self explanatory." As far as Leda knew, it was almost that simple. She'd had pills to help with the withdrawal, but the minute Crystaviel offered her a drink, she'd taken one. And now that wasn't enough. She doubted even the pills could help now.
	"Well, I didn't see," he said, getting angry for no good reason. "What happened in there?" he asked, pointing at the elf's noggin. Someone had to stand guard and play with some hair, here.
	"Sounds like bullshit," Karla spat. "That's it? You tried and failed? That's your grand explanation? How does using your powers against a landen and turning him into a dog tie in? Huh?"
	Leda cringed as if struck. She had nothing to say to that. There was no excuse for it, she knew that. One would not need to be an empath to see the guilt and horror she felt.
	"You did what?" Jack asked, stunned. He backed half-a-step away. Karla'd made a similar threat (okay, it was more of a mini-tornado, but he could imagine Karla turning him into a toad). He glanced back and forth between them. Things were Not Good.
	There was a huge difference between threatening to attack someone with a mini-sand tornado after they kicked sand at you and actually turning someone into a dog. "You turned a landen male into a dog to amuse your friends," Karla said quietly, ignoring the emotions playing across Leda's face. She ought to feel guilt and horror for what Karla had seen. "That same friend brought you to a doctor so you could slice your flesh open to give you an even better high than you had before. And neither of these facts were deemed relevant to mention to either of us."
	"That's not why." Leda managed. It wasn't why she'd done the spell, it wasn't why she'd gone to the 'Doctor', and it wasn't why she hadn't told anyone. "It's not, I didn't, I..."
	Karla raised an eyebrow, inviting Leda to explain. She sat down on air, pinning Leda with her gaze. "It isn't what? You didn't what? Leda, I care about you a lot, but these things...they make me wonder if I know you at all anymore."
	Oh God it was like Wiseguy all over again. What the hell was wrong with her? Maybe Crystaviel was right. Maybe she really didn't belong. Should she not have come back here after all? Leda retreated, backing up to the wall, drawing her knees up to her chest as if she could hide there. "I couldn't take it. I didn't do it to amuse anyone. I didn't do it to get high." Her voice began to gain strength. "And I didn't tell you, not because I didn't think it was 'relevant', but the girl who did those things is gone." She was a Dead Warlock now. It might be an unofficial biker gang, but it was what she was. "The Scent of Heather did those things. And she's dead. Dead to her parents, and dead to me."
	"Well, Leda isn't dead to me," Karla said fiercely. "You may be able to shed identities like a snakeskin, but not everyone can keep up with you. That's who I saw doing those things--not Scent of Heather, not the untouchable elven princess, not the leader of Castle Pup--Leda. That's who I helped get her magic back. That's who I tried to help months ago. And that's who I watched do those things."
	"Okay, why don't we all calm down about this," Jack said, from...a bit over there. Yeah. Like he was dumb enough to get in that impending catfight. "Can we call it a day? Take a breather and sit down and talk about this, say, tomorrow? Calmly. As long as you two are okay?" Whatever was in that pointy-eared noggin, it wasn't good. He was a bit relieved that he didn't see it first-hand.
	For the first time since returning from her mind, Leda met Karla's eyes. She knew what she had done to Ron was unconscionable. She wondered if her surrender to the Peca was a way of punishing herself. Elves had managed to quit drinking Peca. But no one had ever come back from this more potent form. "I don't know who that is anymore either."
	"Well, maybe you should figure it out," Karla said coldly. "Your friends all want to know who this stranger is that we've found in our midst."